A Wannabe Voyager

I stopped the truck. I knew I couldn't go any further.

"Why did I leave home? Why am I here? Does any of this make sense?" I kept questioning myself over and again. I just couldn't get any right answers. But I wanted answers.

I started off from home this morning on this solo trip which I thought would change my life forever. Like in the movies. Like in the books. It is supposed to be one hell of a trip. I wanted to go on a solo trip to change my life, to change everything, to feel the ultimate freedom, to know the purpose of my life and here I am regretting myself for being fake. Yes, I'm fake.

I've been planning this trip for the past two years, and I've been saving money too. I did watch the movie "Into the Wild" where a guy named "Christopher McCandless" goes to Alaska in search of ultimate freedom. I read the book "Motorcycle Diaries" where Dr. Ernesto Che Guevara goes on a trip with his friend on the bike "La-Parodisa". All these books and movies inspired me to start this journey. But now I realize that I'm not being true to myself, I'm not being true at all. I'm not being true to anyone. Yes, I'm fake.

I wanted everyone to know that I'm going on this trip. I even updated a Facebook status about this journey. I tweeted about this. I texted my friends to let them know that I'm having a good time. I changed my WhatsApp picture to let my Ex know about this trip. Yes, all I want is to let people know that I'm a cool guy who goes on trips like this, and a matured human who doesn't want to live in the so-called "Society". I remember listening to an Eddie Vedder track last night. The lyrics go like "Society, you're a crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me." It's such a beautiful song. What was I doing while listening to it?! Oh yes, I was searching for traveling quotes on Tumblr. I thought if I got a good one, I could make it my profile picture. So that everyone in the "society" will know about my trip. Yes, I'm fake.

I'm wearing shorts. I have my boots on. Why? Because those things will look cool on photos. Christopher McCandless wears the same in "Into the Wild". So here I am. I stopped the truck and got out. I wanted to feel the wind. So I stretched out my hands and stood up like crucified Jesus. Oh yes, I should feel the wind now right?! Am I feeling it? No, I don't feel anything. Yes, I'm fake. I'm a crucified soul. I walked back to the truck and got in. All I care is about two things. "Which picture to upload first, and when to upload?!" I'm a super fake human being. Yes.

Being in the limelight is the most important thing for me. That's what my life's goal is, and that's why I'm on this trip. I remember reading Christopher McCandless... "I don't want to know what day it is, what time it is. I don't want to see anyone. None of that matters". Now that's not fake. He didn't tell that to anyone. He wrote that in his personal diary and it was found after his death. And what did I do? I wrote the same words. But not on a diary. I wrote on Facebook. Yes, to let everyone know that I'm an intellectual fella who goes on solo trips like this.

You've met two kinds of people here. Christopher McCandless, and Ernesto Che Guevara, two true souls. Greg Parker, a fake human. A fake soul. My heart whispered to myself over and again "Yes, I'm fake." This is not how you go on solo trips. This is not how you feel the ultimate freedom. This not how you find the purpose of your life. I can't do this anymore. I have decided. I'm going back home. I shifted to reverse gear.

Because now I know, "It's better to stay back and do nothing rather than being fake".